Romantic Comedies

I saw a preview for a romantic comedy the other day. Looked formulaic, cheesy and only slightly funny. But...of course I immediately wanted to see it!

I knew the plot after about 10 seconds of the preview which made me ponder and eventually realize that romantic comedies really come down to one simple equation (click on image to read):

Now, I just need to get some funding from a studio, hire a few well known Hollywood faces, and make my fortune...

PS Yes, I did think of and make this chart myself. It took a long, long time to realize and articulate the complexities that are woven into this genre of motion pictures [sarcasm].

Ode to Sour Patch Kids

I follow a lot of blogs, and several of them are of my married friends, some who even have babies now days. Strange how time flies by.

Anyway, I've noticed how these folks get to post about about their wedding anniversary, birthdays or "firsts" for their babies and the like, and they share their happiness and love for them. It's touching, endearing and makes me think of my first love: sour patch kids.

Sour patch kids, I love you because

• you have a sour exterior, but really your sweet on the inside
• your so colorful and multi-faceted
• you're "a fat free food" which helps dispel any guilt in eating you
• you set a great example by always smiling even when if you're missing a limb or two
• you're like the giving tree: when people think you've given everything you can, there's still that pile of sour sugar at the bottom of the bag that brings enjoyment
• you never interrupt a movie we're watching together by talking, or even making that loud crunching sound like popcorn
• you're patriotic: as a loyal American, it's tough to find you outside of your homeland
• you've made me tough inside and out: through our years of being together I can now eat a whole bag and my tongue won't be raw, nor will I feel sick to my stomach

I love you sour patch kids! Thanks for being you.

Customer Service

When I call a phone help center

1. I pressed one to speak in English


2. I pressed 4 because I’m a current customer


3. I entered by 10 –digit account number


4. I entered the last 4 digits of my social security number


5. I pressed 7 because this was a billing issue


6. Entered the zip code on my billing address


7. Entered my 10 digit phone number


8. I pressed 0 about 15 times to try to skip the menu options and just talk to someone to no avail


9. I pressed 3 because the bill was overcharged


10. I pressed 2 because I had already paid the bill when I found the mistake


11. I pressed 1 because I wanted a refund of my overcharged bill


12. Waited on hold with a 60 second clip of elevator music looping for 8 minutes, only to be interrupted every 30 seconds with “Thank you for calling. We appreciate your patience. All of our customer service representatives are busy at the moment, please remain on the line and our first available representative will be with you shortly.”
    
13. Have the following conversation:

Brijesh: “Hi my name is Brijesh. Can I have your first and last name please?”
Me: “Shannon Marquardson”
Brijesh: “Thanks Ms Marquardson, are you a current customer with us?”
Me: “Yes.”
Brijesh: “Thanks Ms Marquardson, what can I help you with today?”
Me: “You overcharged me on my bill and I want a refund.”
Brijesh: “Ok Ms Marquardson. Let me pull up your details. Can you give me your 10 digit account number?”
Me: “Sure, it’s XXXXX-XXXXX”
Brijesh: “Thanks Ms Marquardson. Now please give me the last 4-digits of your social security number?”
Me: “Ok, it’s XXXX”
Brijesh: “Thanks Ms Marquardson. Now please give me your current mailing address.”
Me: “It’s XXXX”
Brijesh: “Thanks Ms Marquardson. And what is your current billing address including the zip code?”
Me: “It’s XXX”
Brijesh: “Thanks Ms Marquardson. And what’s your contact phone number on file?”
Me: “It’s XXXX”
Brijesh: “Thanks Ms Marquardson. Just a few more security questions. What’s your mother’s maiden name?”
Me: “It’s XXXX”
Brijesh: “Thanks Ms Marquardson. What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream, your childhood best friend’s middle name, the name of your first pet and the model of your first car?”
Me: “[Sigh] it’s XXXX, XXXX, XXXX and XXXX. That’s right Brijesh, my favorite ice cream flavor is not chocolate.”
Brijesh: “Thanks Ms Marquardson. Now please tell me, the amount of your last bill, the payment date of your last bill?”
Me: “It was XXX dollars, paid on XX.”
Brijesh: “Thanks Ms Marquardson. Let me finish pulling up your account details....[pause for 2 mintues]...Ms Marquardson, I'm sorry to say but it looks like our system is down so I can't adjust your bill. You'll have to call us back later. Thank you for calling."

*Note: OK, so this wasn't an actual conversation/situation. Just a compilation of many I've had.

Random Thoughts...Seriously

I read a really funny email the other day pointing out some funny things in life. I might forward it and go against my carnal rule of never forwarding email forwards...let me know if you want it.

Anyway, it got me thinking and here's my latest list of random life insights (written by me):

1. When I hear my ringtone in a car of people, I think “ah, someone else has my ringtone! They have good taste.” Then I realize it’s my phone.


2. When I have a bag of candy and someone asks for some, when I say “Sure, take as much as you’d like” I really mean "If you take more than three pieces, or a red one…I will be bitter.”


3. Whenever I walk confidently across the street, there’s always a stealthy cab that zips around the corner that promptly honks at me. Whenever I hesitate, the only thing coming around the corner is a street sweeper, but since I hesitated I feel the need to wait, as grannys in walkers pass me by and walk across.


4. I can’t understand people who put the toilet roll paper on backwards. It goes over the top people….com’on!


5. I’m always too impatient to use the hand blow dryer, so I wipe my wet hands on my jeans. Unfortunately that makes me look like an idiot with wet hand prints on my thighs. Apparently I haven’t learned my lesson that 30 seconds is worth it.


6. Why was the soap in school growing up the dry, gritty pink stuff. Was is really that much cheaper than liquid soap? It was probably just pink-dyed sand that scraped off your skin, and the germs with it. Anyone else have that stuff at school growing up?


7. Fact: bacon in the UK is always served raw. Seriously...raw. It makes me shudder to think of biting into a BLT sandwich and finding pure, raw gristle instead of crispy goodness.
8. I will never shake your hand if I see you picking at your feet in public. Yes, there are those who whip off their shoes at the earliest opportunity and play with/pick at their feet. [shudder]


9. Bugs fly in through an open window with so little effort yet it takes them hours of buzzing on the window to find the opening again.


10. Ipod headphones magically are in knots every time I get them out as if I had spent hours tangling them up when I took them off 20 seconds ago.


11. Scissors in packaging you need scissors to open. Seriously.



12. Internet phone help lines that tell you to go on their website.


13. Signs for blind people without braille on them. I've seen them.


14. When I grab a paper towel from the dispenser and ten automatically fall out, I put the extra ones the wet counter. Look at me trying to stop wasting and help the environment, as if someone will use wet towels from the counter...

A bad night's rest

What do you call daydreaming when it's at night? Night dreaming? Because last Thursday night I spend a solid 5 hour night dreaming about sleeping in a real bed instead of a bench at the airport. I shouldn't complain though since I got to spend the next four days in Rome :)

I promise pictures are to come. Let me say one thing though: if you haven't been, you should go.

Tip: Check out this link for the ins and outs to sleeping in airports! It's pretty neat. http://www.sleepinginairports.net/

Ok, so obviously this picture isn't of me. My situation was slightly better. I didn't have the anti-sleeping arm rests, but I was in a circular bench with half my body on the bench and the other on a few folding chairs. Ghetto.

Watch out...

Operation: RHB (Rock Hard Body) starts tomorrow. In one month, I'll be beach ready...for the beach on the Thames.

Oh, and on another note, Operation: Stop Procrastinating starts next week.

Animal Party = Wild

Birthday party this weekend for Hayley Smith was animal themed. Clearly, I felt the desire to dress up as my favorite animal: the Liger, bred for its skills in magic.

All you need is some hairspray, brown eye-liner and 2 pound leopard leg-warmers from Primark.